Bon is my spouse of 32 years, and as she says,
"Life with Caryn is never boring..."

    I favor dancing, leather clubs, scripture,
    shopping, and people-watching over
    coffee.  

    Bon favors Christian praise music for
    listening, grandchildren visiting, scripture,
    shopping, and chatting over coffee.  

    So, 3 out of 5 times, we get along great!  
    <laffing....>

Bon likes my clothing selections and jewelry, and
often borrows both.  And, I'm glad she does, as
I live an 'open door' lifestyle with very loose
boundaries on property.  And, I never borrow
Bon's stuff, because that's a 'no' without her
explicit permission.  Bon has strong boundaries.  
Sounds odd, but living with inequities are what
we as a couple are about, really.  

I must admit my favorite gold necklace and
earrings were selections by Bon, though.  And
Bon found my favorite hibiscus for my sunny
window in the front room.  Bon and I like each
other so much, that recently, she has even
shared her colds with me.... <very true, by the
way....>

A spouse's life with a T-any-flavor is a bit of wild
ride, I think.  The rules are made, tested,
revised, revisited, and re-arranged as the
months go by.  Plans are changed just as much
as I changed my garden plans and plants over
the years.  And then, the relationship flourishes.  

Speaking of gardens:  I recently uncovered a
maple-tree root in my rose garden.  The maple
tree is 20 yards away from my red 'Knock-Out'
rose.  The tree apparently found the fertile soil,
and took advantage of the situation.  

        - I could lecture the tree on the "rules"
    for harmonious marriage between trees
    and roses; I could demand the tree
    withdraw from his transgressions and never
    cross the boundary again.  I could study the
    Greek meanings of 'repentance', and chat
    with the maple quite sternly.  

        - I doubt it would obey me.  Even if the
    maple could hear me and reason, the drive
    to live will overpower all reasoning,
    demands, and religious instruction....

I think that marriage is often like my garden -
we need to take advantage of the 'fertile soil'
that is in our marriage and maximize it.  We
need to recognize the rose and tree are
different individuals in my garden with different
needs, and smile upon the differences.  I
learned to stop mourning that orange trees
don't grow in cold Virginia, and plant what does
grow... by the way.  Each garden is a unique
blending of soil, plants, weather.... and each
marriage can be as unique as the husband and
wife wish it to be.

I often think it is when the T-anything plays 'by
the rules' that defeat comes quickly.  We need
to allow the marriage to be the garden that 'is',
and not force it to be the garden that 'should
be'.

    " The LORD will surely comfort Zion
    and will look with compassion on all her
    ruins;

    he will make her deserts like Eden,
    her wastelands like the garden of
    the LORD.

    Joy and gladness will be found in her,
    thanksgiving and the sound of singing."  
    [Isaiah 51:3]

T-anything surely can be viewed as a 'desert' or
a 'wasteland' by a spouse.  No one can blame
her for a bit of shock and honest reassessment.  
But I think the T-husband is wise if he comforts
the wife, has compassion on her, and then
makes the desert into a new Eden.  

Oh, some of the plants will have changed, and
some spots of ground may be more fertile than
others... but with a bit of love, a bit of patience,
a lot of listening... the garden can still be one
day filled with thanksgiving and the sound of
singing.

Welcome to the group.  <soft smile>

Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;

Caryn




*******




(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007
The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
T-Anything, Marriage, & Gardens
In this letter I share some
thoughts with a young man that is
a cross-dresser.

Now, mind you, in some ways, he
and I are worlds-apart:
  • He is very congruent with his
    birth-assigned gender
    identity, and
  • I was not.

But he is married, just as I am.

And, I like to think, that he has
seen a garden.  <soft smile>

Please enjoy;

Caryn



*************************

T-Anything,
Marriage, and
Gardens

Dear K.:
In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments