Dear C.:

[This letter has two parts:  one on anger, and
then another part on so much more than anger.]


    - Anger is part of grieving.  I think that it is
    good to vent it to someone -- often a
    trusted friend, our family of TG-C, a GLBT-
    friendly counselor, or to the Lord Himself in

    - Sometimes, when we read of an injustice
    to another, our own heart is touched.  
    There is a strange movement of empathy,
    which is good for then we reach out to
    comfort and heal the wounded.  Sometimes,
    there is another strange movement like a
    bandage being removed from old wounds,
    and the scars revealed that are still within
    us.  This is better, for now we reach out to
    our Lord requesting that He heal two
    persons:  the original writer, and our own

    - The venting of anger is shown often in the
    Psalms.  I think there is comfort in knowing
    that the Servant of the Lord who influenced
    God's hand for years, often vented his
    human anger to our Father.

    - Jeremiah 23 and Ezekiel 34 even show the
    Lord upbraiding the 'shepherds' of His flock
    and stating facts in a manner that may be
    quite well described as 'venting anger' or
    'angry teachings':

'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to
the shepherds of Israel who only take care of
themselves! Should not shepherds take care of
the flock?

You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the
wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you
do not take care of the flock.

You have not strengthened the weak or healed
the sick or bound up the injured.

You have not brought back the strays or
searched for the lost.

You have ruled them harshly and brutally.

So they were scattered because there was no
shepherd, and when they were scattered they
became food for all the wild animals."  [Ezekiel

I think the above verses describe many of our
experiences with immature pastors, vicars, and
priests, and other immature spiritual leaders.
We go from being wounded, to being ignored, to
straying, to reaching out to a shepherd only to
be ruled harshly and brutally, to scattering.  

And then, things only get worse as we
experience becoming "food for all the wild

    - The venting of anger is part of a grieving
    process.  Kubler-Ross described her
    thoughts on the grieving process:  phases of
    denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
    then acceptance.  I think Kubler-Ross is
    very on-target, don't you?

But there is so much more.

Let's view the TG-spectrum as part of a very
deep Christian experience.

What if we theorize that the Kubler-Ross
explanation is only half the story?  After all, she
was dealing with the 'dying' and the Bible also
deals with the 'abundant life', right?

    - If we draw a "U" shape, and cut it
    vertically in half, let's label the left side
    "grieving process", and the right side
    "abundant life process".

    -- Let's list the following on the left of
    the "U":  denial, anger, bargaining,
    depression, and at the very bottom of
    the "U" let's place "acceptance" (as if
    shared by both bottoms of the two

    -- Then, I propose that we list
    "embracing and rejoicing" (or similar)
    on the right lower side.  This is, to me,
    the first phase of the "abundant life
    process" (counting 'acceptance' as
    phase zero, k?)  I base this on Second
    Corinthians 12 -- the process of
    realizing that some things will not be
    healed by God in this life, that His grace
    is sufficient, and that we are to rejoice
    in that weakness (for then Christ will
    be shown all the more).

    ---   "To keep me from becoming
    conceited [that is, to 'humble me']
    because of these surpassingly
    great revelations, there was given
    me a thorn in my flesh, a
    messenger of Satan, to torment
    me."  [II Cor 12:7]

    ---  "At that time the disciples
    came to Jesus and asked, "Who is
    the greatest in the kingdom of
    heaven?"  He called a little child
    and had him stand among them.  
    And he said: "I tell you the truth,
    unless you change and become like
    little children, you will never enter
    the kingdom of heaven.  
    Therefore, whoever humbles
    himself like this child is the greatest
    in the kingdom of heaven."  
    [Matthew 18:1-4]

    -- I hope you catch the balance
    between the two verses  -- they both
    deal with a concept of greatness called

    -- I have a deep persuasion from our
    Lord:  He had to humble me in order to
    give me even greater insight, lest I
    become conceited and useless to Him.  
    I had prayed to be great in His kingdom
    many times years ago -- even at any
    cost.  He answered with GID and
    PTSD.  Did any others make such a
    prayer?  I think so, perhaps many of us.

    -- Therefore, I rejoice in my
    weaknesses, for they keep me so
    humble.  I hope others of the family of
    TG-C will realize that TG-anything is
    given by our loving Lord, so that we are
    deeply humbled and then become all
    the more useful to Him:

    --- Those with GID see their new
    bodies in the mirror every
    morning.  The mark of the 'thorn'
    torments their pride.  Now, as
    broken vessels, what shall they
    brag of?  They can only boast of
    Christ -- the perfume within the
    alabaster box.  They are now
    humble, and great in His kingdom.

    --- Those with transgenderism
    sense a mind that is blended (or
    some describe it as shared) with
    two gender identifications:  male
    and female.  When such a born-
    man places his beautiful three-
    piece suit upon himself, and then
    adjusts the silk kerchief, he is
    humbled to the point of prayer --
    for the kerchief is so important to
    him as it represents the feminine
    within.  He is now humble, and
    great in His kingdom.

    --- Those with cross-dressing
    sense a drive to clothe their body
    like the opposite gender.  When
    such a born-man places a bra and
    skirt upon himself, he senses a
    thousand waves of feelings,
    perhaps such as:  pleasure, sexual
    stimulation, peace, relief, joy, and
    thrill.  Sometime within this
    process, he will sense humility
    (perhaps at the start, in the
    middle, or days later).  He is now
    humble, and great in His kingdom.

    -- Surely, there are many more
    combinations than the three above:  
    GID, transgender, and cross-dresser.  
    Yet every thorn given is to prick us to
    humility.  For, when we are humble, we
    are great in His kingdom.

    -- What revelations He will give to us!  
    What insight!  What understanding!  All
    we have to do is to continue to seek
    Him and desire His wisdom and His
    understanding as if it were silver or
    gold!  It is so much easier now to find
    the treasures in the earth, for He has
    shattered the boulder of our conceit
    and pride that blocked our fervent
    digging.  We are humbled, and amongst
    the pieces of the boulder we find the
    gold of wisdom.  Our conceit is
    shattered, we stagger further towards
    Him, and we find silver understanding
    with the first time we drop to our knees
    in prayer.

Let's return to the "U" shape.  

I propose that the second phase of the right side
- abundant life process - be titled "conscience-
aware living" or similar.  This would be based on
Romans 14.  (Oh, the title truly doesn't matter,
and I have changed it from time to time.  So, title
it however the Spirit leads you, k?)

    - Somehow, He teaches us to become "fully
    persuaded".  He shows us that our
    conscience is so key that even the
    commandment given to Moses "Remember
    the Sabbath Day and keep it holy" is subject
    to conscience -- how much more the
    outward showing of the body, the heart, or
    the clothing!  He teaches us to be kind to
    other 'weaker' consciences and to move
    gently towards them -- even to hide our
    freedom at times, for their sake.  He
    teaches us to not allow the 'good' to be
    spoken of as 'evil', but to gently show forth
    proper doctrine and reasoning.

I propose that the third phase of the right side
of the "U" be labeled "Christ-like responses
during suffering" or similar.  This is based on I
Peter 2:19-23 and also I Peter 3 (second half of

    - This is an area that I am still learning, and
    stumbling within.  In my current thinking,
    this third phase must be built upon the
    previous three phases:  acceptance,
    embracing/rejoicing, and conscience-aware
    living.  These provide a foundation that
    keeps us balanced, and enables the Aikido
    of Love to flow through us.  No foundation
    equals rapid failure and quick collapse -- a
    rich foundation equals practice until success
    is a norm.

    - In my current thinking, there are constant
    and deep themes experienced in this
    phase:  of suffering for doing good; of
    replying to an insult with a blessing; of
    receiving an injustice and simply committing
    ourselves to Him that judges justly; of living
    in harmony with each other; and of showing
    sympathy, love, compassion, and humility.

    - Again, of these 'techniques', I am still
    learning, so I have so little to write.  When I
    more confident of the 'techniques', I hope
    to write much more.  This level of Aikido is
    difficult for me.

I hope that what He has taught me, blesses you
in turn.  

What greatness the TG-spectrum is called to -
the greatness of humility!  What beauty these
thorns in the flesh -- for they shatter our
growing conceit!  What considerate living we see
growing in us -- for we yield to the Spirit
expressed in our conscience and the conscience
of others!  What Christ-likeness flows from us to
others, even as we suffer evil for doing good!  
We are called to be like Him -- and He chose us
to shatter like an alabaster box, so that the
perfume would fill the whole room, and every
eye would turn to see the head of our Christ!  

What the world calls 'evil', our God has used for
incredible good!

Blessings to all.  Thank you for your continued
prayers.  My mind is more and more recovered;
my body becomes better daily.

Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;


PS.  The "Aikido of Love" is an essay on my main
website page:  .

Please feel free to read that essay, especially if
some of the concepts of Aikido or "practicing
techniques" in this letter seem a bit odd, k?  
Hugs!  CL


(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007
The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
Perhaps A "U" Shape?
E.'s letter had touched on the
subject of "anger".

But, I really felt that there was
more to discuss.

Anger is very real.

But what if we are missing half of
the picture?

Anger over pastoral injustice is
very deep.

But again, what if we are missing
half the picture?

After all, if a man pushed me into a
pit, shouldn't I be angry?

But if I turned around, and the pit
was filled with gold, shouldn't I
then take advantage of my new

Please read, and ponder.

Hugs!  Caryn


Perhaps A "U"
In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments