[This letter has two parts: one on anger, and
then another part on so much more than anger.]
- Anger is part of grieving. I think that it is
good to vent it to someone -- often a
trusted friend, our family of TG-C, a GLBT-
friendly counselor, or to the Lord Himself in
- Sometimes, when we read of an injustice
to another, our own heart is touched.
There is a strange movement of empathy,
which is good for then we reach out to
comfort and heal the wounded. Sometimes,
there is another strange movement like a
bandage being removed from old wounds,
and the scars revealed that are still within
us. This is better, for now we reach out to
our Lord requesting that He heal two
persons: the original writer, and our own
- The venting of anger is shown often in the
Psalms. I think there is comfort in knowing
that the Servant of the Lord who influenced
God's hand for years, often vented his
human anger to our Father.
- Jeremiah 23 and Ezekiel 34 even show the
Lord upbraiding the 'shepherds' of His flock
and stating facts in a manner that may be
quite well described as 'venting anger' or
'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to
the shepherds of Israel who only take care of
themselves! Should not shepherds take care of
You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the
wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you
do not take care of the flock.
You have not strengthened the weak or healed
the sick or bound up the injured.
You have not brought back the strays or
searched for the lost.
You have ruled them harshly and brutally.
So they were scattered because there was no
shepherd, and when they were scattered they
became food for all the wild animals." [Ezekiel
I think the above verses describe many of our
experiences with immature pastors, vicars, and
priests, and other immature spiritual leaders.
We go from being wounded, to being ignored, to
straying, to reaching out to a shepherd only to
be ruled harshly and brutally, to scattering.
And then, things only get worse as we
experience becoming "food for all the wild
- The venting of anger is part of a grieving
process. Kubler-Ross described her
thoughts on the grieving process: phases of
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
then acceptance. I think Kubler-Ross is
very on-target, don't you?
But there is so much more.
Let's view the TG-spectrum as part of a very
deep Christian experience.
What if we theorize that the Kubler-Ross
explanation is only half the story? After all, she
was dealing with the 'dying' and the Bible also
deals with the 'abundant life', right?
- If we draw a "U" shape, and cut it
vertically in half, let's label the left side
"grieving process", and the right side
"abundant life process".
-- Let's list the following on the left of
the "U": denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and at the very bottom of
the "U" let's place "acceptance" (as if
shared by both bottoms of the two
-- Then, I propose that we list
"embracing and rejoicing" (or similar)
on the right lower side. This is, to me,
the first phase of the "abundant life
process" (counting 'acceptance' as
phase zero, k?) I base this on Second
Corinthians 12 -- the process of
realizing that some things will not be
healed by God in this life, that His grace
is sufficient, and that we are to rejoice
in that weakness (for then Christ will
be shown all the more).
--- "To keep me from becoming
conceited [that is, to 'humble me']
because of these surpassingly
great revelations, there was given
me a thorn in my flesh, a
messenger of Satan, to torment
me." [II Cor 12:7]
--- "At that time the disciples
came to Jesus and asked, "Who is
the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven?" He called a little child
and had him stand among them.
And he said: "I tell you the truth,
unless you change and become like
little children, you will never enter
the kingdom of heaven.
Therefore, whoever humbles
himself like this child is the greatest
in the kingdom of heaven."
-- I hope you catch the balance
between the two verses -- they both
deal with a concept of greatness called
-- I have a deep persuasion from our
Lord: He had to humble me in order to
give me even greater insight, lest I
become conceited and useless to Him.
I had prayed to be great in His kingdom
many times years ago -- even at any
cost. He answered with GID and
PTSD. Did any others make such a
prayer? I think so, perhaps many of us.
-- Therefore, I rejoice in my
weaknesses, for they keep me so
humble. I hope others of the family of
TG-C will realize that TG-anything is
given by our loving Lord, so that we are
deeply humbled and then become all
the more useful to Him:
--- Those with GID see their new
bodies in the mirror every
morning. The mark of the 'thorn'
torments their pride. Now, as
broken vessels, what shall they
brag of? They can only boast of
Christ -- the perfume within the
alabaster box. They are now
humble, and great in His kingdom.
--- Those with transgenderism
sense a mind that is blended (or
some describe it as shared) with
two gender identifications: male
and female. When such a born-
man places his beautiful three-
piece suit upon himself, and then
adjusts the silk kerchief, he is
humbled to the point of prayer --
for the kerchief is so important to
him as it represents the feminine
within. He is now humble, and
great in His kingdom.
--- Those with cross-dressing
sense a drive to clothe their body
like the opposite gender. When
such a born-man places a bra and
skirt upon himself, he senses a
thousand waves of feelings,
perhaps such as: pleasure, sexual
stimulation, peace, relief, joy, and
thrill. Sometime within this
process, he will sense humility
(perhaps at the start, in the
middle, or days later). He is now
humble, and great in His kingdom.
-- Surely, there are many more
combinations than the three above:
GID, transgender, and cross-dresser.
Yet every thorn given is to prick us to
humility. For, when we are humble, we
are great in His kingdom.
-- What revelations He will give to us!
What insight! What understanding! All
we have to do is to continue to seek
Him and desire His wisdom and His
understanding as if it were silver or
gold! It is so much easier now to find
the treasures in the earth, for He has
shattered the boulder of our conceit
and pride that blocked our fervent
digging. We are humbled, and amongst
the pieces of the boulder we find the
gold of wisdom. Our conceit is
shattered, we stagger further towards
Him, and we find silver understanding
with the first time we drop to our knees
Let's return to the "U" shape.
I propose that the second phase of the right side
- abundant life process - be titled "conscience-
aware living" or similar. This would be based on
Romans 14. (Oh, the title truly doesn't matter,
and I have changed it from time to time. So, title
it however the Spirit leads you, k?)
- Somehow, He teaches us to become "fully
persuaded". He shows us that our
conscience is so key that even the
commandment given to Moses "Remember
the Sabbath Day and keep it holy" is subject
to conscience -- how much more the
outward showing of the body, the heart, or
the clothing! He teaches us to be kind to
other 'weaker' consciences and to move
gently towards them -- even to hide our
freedom at times, for their sake. He
teaches us to not allow the 'good' to be
spoken of as 'evil', but to gently show forth
proper doctrine and reasoning.
I propose that the third phase of the right side
of the "U" be labeled "Christ-like responses
during suffering" or similar. This is based on I
Peter 2:19-23 and also I Peter 3 (second half of
- This is an area that I am still learning, and
stumbling within. In my current thinking,
this third phase must be built upon the
previous three phases: acceptance,
embracing/rejoicing, and conscience-aware
living. These provide a foundation that
keeps us balanced, and enables the Aikido
of Love to flow through us. No foundation
equals rapid failure and quick collapse -- a
rich foundation equals practice until success
is a norm.
- In my current thinking, there are constant
and deep themes experienced in this
phase: of suffering for doing good; of
replying to an insult with a blessing; of
receiving an injustice and simply committing
ourselves to Him that judges justly; of living
in harmony with each other; and of showing
sympathy, love, compassion, and humility.
- Again, of these 'techniques', I am still
learning, so I have so little to write. When I
more confident of the 'techniques', I hope
to write much more. This level of Aikido is
difficult for me.
I hope that what He has taught me, blesses you
What greatness the TG-spectrum is called to -
the greatness of humility! What beauty these
thorns in the flesh -- for they shatter our
growing conceit! What considerate living we see
growing in us -- for we yield to the Spirit
expressed in our conscience and the conscience
of others! What Christ-likeness flows from us to
others, even as we suffer evil for doing good!
We are called to be like Him -- and He chose us
to shatter like an alabaster box, so that the
perfume would fill the whole room, and every
eye would turn to see the head of our Christ!
What the world calls 'evil', our God has used for
Blessings to all. Thank you for your continued
prayers. My mind is more and more recovered;
my body becomes better daily.
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;
PS. The "Aikido of Love" is an essay on my main
website page: carynlemur.com .
Please feel free to read that essay, especially if
some of the concepts of Aikido or "practicing
techniques" in this letter seem a bit odd, k?
(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007
|The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
Perhaps A "U" Shape?
E.'s letter had touched on the
subject of "anger".
But, I really felt that there was
more to discuss.
Anger is very real.
But what if we are missing half of
Anger over pastoral injustice is
But again, what if we are missing
half the picture?
After all, if a man pushed me into a
pit, shouldn't I be angry?
But if I turned around, and the pit
was filled with gold, shouldn't I
then take advantage of my new
Please read, and ponder.
Perhaps A "U"
|In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
|Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
|A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
|A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments