Dear family of TG-C:

I wanted to return to this letter from S., posted
a couple weeks ago.

I thought it best not to explore her own wounds
in particular, but the concepts of "valuation",
that is, how we perceive that we are valued.  I
thought I would write down some equations
that come to mind, as if walking through time:


"I am valuable, because my mother likes me."

"I am valuable, because my dad taught me to
fish without yelling at me."

"I am valuable, because I got a gold star on my
report card."

"I am valuable, because I earned a good grade
in school."

"I am valuable, because I have friends that are
cool."

"I am valuable, because I have a part-time job."

"I am valuable, because I am athletic."

"I am valuable, because I have completed my
degree."

"I am valuable, because I am married."

"I am valuable, because I have two adoring
obedient... sometimes obedient... children."

"I am valuable, because I have saved for my
children's college fund."

"I am valuable, because I am now an elder at
my church."

"I am valuable, because I am a professor,
articulate, and a good writer."

"I am transgender... it has almost invalidated my
degree, ruined my marriage, driven out my
children, caused monetary loss, and now I am
excommunicated."

"I am worthless."

"I should die... after all, it is if I am dead
already... who would miss me?"

"The pain is too much... for me... for others...."

"I am worthless indeed...."

"Who is this that is singing?  Doesn't He
understand my poverty?"

"Why does He rejoice over me?  How can He be
so rude?"

"Why does He promise to keep me from "falling"
and to "present me before His glorious presence
without fault and with great joy?"

"What is this thought in my mind - that nothing
can separate me from His love?"

"Stop!  Don't pick me up!  You don't understand!
 I'm worthless!  I'm nothing!  I'm the least and
among those that are not!  What do you mean
that "now" You can finally use me as You wished
so long ago?"

"What do you mean to learn to rejoice in my
weakness, so that the power of Christ can rest
on me all the more?"

"I am valuable... no worthless... yes worthless..
no, valuable....  what do you mean I need to let
that equation of value go?  I've lived my whole
life with equations of value or worthlessness... I
built my whole house upon those equations...
what do mean that my 'foundation' was sand?"

"what do you mean that I am your 'treasure'
just because you say so?"

"what do you mean that I never earned your
'valuation' before, and never will...?"

"what do you mean that I should just rejoice...
and be thankful....?"

"will you really always love me, even if I am
worthless to all the earth, but only a treasure in
your eyes?"




Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;

Caryn


*******



(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007
The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
A Monologue On Being Valued
Sometimes, when I begin to write
a letter, I try to outline the main
points, and then develop an
introduction, an outline, and then
a conclusion.  

This time, I wrote the conclusion
first.

And then, a personal thought as if
of internal dialogue.  And then,
another thought of dialogue.  And
then, yet another thought .... you
guessed it, of dialogue.

The letter grew into its own
composition.  And internal
dialogues are called 'monologues'.
 [say mono-log, and you've got
it....  <smile>]

Imagine an actress on the stage,
and a single spotlight.

Oh, and I erased the conclusion.

Please simply enjoy!

Caryn

*************************

A Monologue On
Being Valued
In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments