End of memory....  I thought I'd write about the
Wind, the mind-machine learning to wait on God,
and the intersection of the two, k?


*****


Hearing The Voice Of
God (The Wind, The
Mind-Machine, And The
Intersection)


The Wind.

To me, the voice of God is like the sound of the
wind, everyone hears it.  At first, you just sense
the pressure, so to speak, of the Wind saying,
"Not good"... or "Yes, good"....  It is something
to do with your conscience, I suppose.

Later, it is as if the human mind begins to attach
words or pictures to the sound and pressure... I
think in pictures a lot, and words too, and I can't
really smell anything... so, I think my mind uses
the tools of pictures and words for trying to
interpret what the Wind is saying.

My mind has never said, "Gosh, I can just smell
the will of God"... because I can't really smell in
real life much at all.

I should add that I love music and dance.

Sometimes, my mind attaches music to the
sound and pressure of the Wind... and I sing
melodies out loud around the house... without
any real words... just lots of "la la ooh...  
Sometimes words join in with the melodies...
they are beautiful songs for the moment, and
then forgotten forever...  I think of them like a
day-lily from the Lord, that blooms so
fantastically huge and colored, but by nightfall, it
is closed and forever gone.

Other times, I just dance, and dance, and
dance.... until it seems the Wind has stopped
blowing.

Oh, and I write stories too.  But you knew that,
right?

So, sometimes, I see a story in my mind, with
characters and people and motion and they start
talking... I just write it all down, and hope the
story comforts someone.... so I guess my mind
even attaches entire little short-short stories to
the pressure and sound of the Wind.

Yes, I hear and interpret, and love the "voice of
God" through the arts.  The arts are such a part
of my relationship with Jesus.

Oh, but what about that other part of Caryn?  
That "logic" side of the brain, so to speak?  I
guess that brings us to:


The Mind-Machine.

When I want to understand the Word of God, oh
gosh, I am in so much trouble.  You see, I once
thought I was brilliant.  yes... an ego soooooo
huge that it was sad.   I became a Christian at
the end of 8th grade, and my large ego came
with me to the cross... and yes, Jesus accepted
me even with that ego-baggage.

To mess things over even more, I was becoming
more analytical and was self-trained in thinking
in terms of evidence, as well in rudimentary
logical thought process...  and wrote a multi-
page treatise on the word "humility" for my 11th
grade writing project.  I sliced that word
'humility', diced it, built it up, built it down... and
ended up with pure rubbish.  Even I knew it was
bad.

That same year, a girl on campus asked me a
simple question on a simple verse in the Bible.  I
was clueless about what to answer.  I just didn't
know.  My "brilliant" mind was totally caught off
guard, and that mind was actually frightened
that it had no time to analyze anything at all!   In
fear (or embarrassment) I actually prayed in my
mind "God!  Help!"  

I then opened my mouth anyway… and out
came the most beautiful, gracious, and godly
reply.

The girl in front of me said, "Wow!  That’s a
great answer!" - exactly as I was thinking,
"Wow! That’s a great answer!"  I never knew
that God was wiser than me, until that
moment.... and I was stunned... and never
forgot that lesson that He was willing to give
wisdom, if only I would set aside my “brilliant
mind” and ask.

I should also mention that I was with a young
group of Christians that competed by
memorizing huge volumes of King James
scriptures.  In 9th, 10th, and 11th grade, I
competed at the national level for that
denomination.

At age 21, I left Jesus.  At age 35, I returned.  
By that time, I was even more trained in
reasoning, and trained in multiple approaches
for understanding.  But by then, I was no longer
impressed at my mind, having met people far
more brilliant, and far more a slave of sin than I
was....  It was scary, because the most gifted
people that I knew, were also the ones with
shattered lives, divorce, anger, self-delusion,
abandonment of families, ego-centric lifestyles,
workaholics... wound after wound covered their
lives... and in all their brilliance, they could not
stop cutting themselves all the more.  

What strange hells brilliant men and women can
make for their own selves.

So, how do I study the scriptures?  I don't. I
can't.  There is too much ego within me.  

Instead, when I want to understand a
quandary, I ask my Lord to answer it.  Normally,
in 2 to 3 days, a few scriptures related to that
quandary pop into my mind.  I jot them down.  I
line them up.  I jot down a few more questions
-- nothing major at all.... and in a couple days,
those questions are answered by more thoughts
popping in with more scriptures.  Lastly, I
research all the scriptures using biblegateway.
com .  After all, what I memorized at age 15, 16,
and 17 is now a bit fuzzy at age 50-plus, right?

I never open a bible at all during the start of my
questions.  Never.  Because then, the machine
that is in my mind will take over... and produce
scripture-based rubbish.  Trash cleverly sliced;
trash cleverly diced; and trash reasoned
logically, is still trash and will scar a wound more
than anything I've found.  "Gosh, you're cut!  
May I rub some trash in that wound for you?"
<sad laff...>

For this one, hearing the voice of God through all
the arts, is very safe.  I sing, I dance, I write silly
and small stories.  I “see” pictures and “hear”
words of praise -- I trust the arts.

But I can't trust my mind-machine.  Hearing the
voice of God through my mind-machine is pure
death.  Instead, I must "glory in my weakness"
-- and take the position of the weak one that
has no wisdom.  None.  Dumb.  Stupid.  
Ignorant.  And then, I wait upon the Master to
speak to my mind.

Hearing the insight to the problem by literally
praying, and waiting upon God if needed for
days, is the only consistent methodology that
produces the scriptures, the analysis, the logic,
and the imitation of Christ that actually can heal
the wounded.  I want to "pour in oil and wine"
into the wounds, not trash....

But to truly understand the Voice of God, I have
to talk about:


The Intersection.

Often, the sound and pressure of the Wind, plus
the insights from praying and waiting, come
together... but it can take time for the complete
intersection.

By example, I received hate mail from a pastor
last July, 2006.  After the initial shock and
confusion, I prayed for an answer.  A week or
so later, I thought I had an answer pop into my
mind - 2 or 3 scriptures and in a good order.  I
typed them up.. but something still seemed
wrong... so I did not send the reply.  The
answers were there, but the Wind was not
blowing...there was no intersection.

Four weeks passed, and I attempted to write
more -- my draft reply was on-target, but still no
sense of "Yes! Bulls-eye!"  Again, the answers
were there, but the Wind was not blowing.  

Approximately 8 weeks later, a totally different
set of scriptures popped into my mind, and I
wrote a short reply based on those new
scriptures, and with the new logic.  I watched
over the letter for 2 more days, making sure
that my heart still said, "Yes! Bulls-eye!  Those
are the scriptures that will help this man grow in
Christ!"  Because, when my heart says that, it is
almost always the Wind blowing... and then I
have the intersection between the “insights”
and the “Wind”.

After those 2 days, after sensing the
intersection, then, I sent the new reply to him in
the month of September.

That pastor, who was and is my enemy, actually
sent me a thank you via email.  He is also the
pastor that is discussed in my poem "Letter To
My Rapist".

I think at times that it is the “intersection” of the
insights given by God with the Wind that allows
us to fully “Bless those that curse you.”



************

Much love in Christ, Caryn



(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2006
The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
Hearing The Voice Of God
These thoughts were shared on
the yahoo group,
TG-Christians.

After all, doesn't everyone want
to hear the Voice of God in their
lives?


**************************

Dear all:

I was reading so many good
essays and thoughts [on
TG-Christians]  on the 'hearing
the voice of God', that I thought
I'd add a small touch to the canvas
of truth we are painting together.

My daughter asked me about
"hearing God's voice" many years
ago at the kitchen table.  As I
recall, I said, "Oh, it sounds
exactly like this..." and then
turned my head to the side, and
blew a long puff of air through my
lips, like someone trying to blow
out way too many birthday
candles.

My daughter said, "Dad!  Stop
being silly!"

I laughed with her, and then said,
"Hon, the Bible says, "The wind
blows wherever it pleases. You
hear its sound, but you cannot tell
where it comes from or where it is
going. So it is with everyone born
of the Spirit." [John 3:8]   The
sound of the voice of God must
sound like the wind...."
In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments