- Trained and registered doctors for issues of
anomalies in the body -- cancer, diabetes,
broken bones, and so forth.

And so, here are my thoughts to someone that
'wondered' who they were at age 24; and
wondered about losing their earthly father's
respect.

<gentle hugs>  Caryn


**************************

Maybe CD?  Maybe TS?  
or...?

Dear B.:

I have what is called 'severe Gender Identity
Disorder (GID)' or 'transsexualism'.  Sooo, I
want to be careful in sharing my thoughts with
you.  

OK.  Here are some broad sweeps of the brush
concerning the transgendered spectrum in order
to just set up 2 main points:

    - Some transsexuals (TS) go through a
    hyper-masculine phase.  They never
    wanted to be a girl.  Indeed, they did
    everything to prove to their father, mother,
    siblings, and friends that they were ultra-
    male.

    - However, there are other TS that wanted
    to live as a girl from their early memories.

    - Almost all male to female TS (MTF TS) that
    I know, cannot live as guys as some point.  
    Their mind keeps insisting they are female.  
    This female gender identity in a male body
    creates tremendous amounts of taffy-pull...
    remember pulling the taffy as a kid? Yes, it
    finally snaps, right?  From my observations,
    for the MTF TS, it becomes harder and
    harder to stretch into male roles when the
    anchor of the soul is female identity.

    - There are CDs.  They normally like being
    guys.  They normally live as a guy all the
    time, with short excursions into living as a
    girl.  Some are outstanding actors... and
    study the female part, dress it, live it, and
    even have to decompress later... but their
    anchor in gender identity is male.  Some are
    sooo good at this that they make me look
    ugly....<note my green color.... lol>

    - There are the in-betweens.  They may
    normally live as guys or girls.  They seem
    blended and do well with it.  They may be
    taunted as "sissy" when younger (for the
    guys), or "butch" (for the girls).  But some
    of these men are artistic; some of these
    women are scientists, and they are quite
    content in-between.  (I was one for years,
    until something snapped in my mind, with
    the announcement of my father's terminal
    disease.)

    - There are the dual-gendered.  They seem
    to switch and do well with it.  They express
    either gender with a pattern or no pattern.  
    They fascinate me, really.  I can't always
    tell what gender will reply to me... a guy's
    standard reply or a female-standard reply.  

    - There are men and women with same-sex
    attraction.  Some that are raised in strict
    homes, may cross-dress for a time.  This is
    normally called denial or repression.

There are probably 3,000 other variations on
the gender spectrum.  

Main point 1:

All that to say, really consider getting a
counselor that specializes in GLBT.  Work with
him or her, until you feel good about where you
are now on that spectrum.  Your place on the
spectrum may change in time... but it is really
nice to know your own self now.  "If a man
thinks himself to be something when he is
nothing, he deceives himself."  A counselor will
help you to explore your own self, and to not
deceive yourself.

You probably will need to avoid church
counselors, Christian counselors, ex-gay ministry
counselors, and pro-gay counselors.  

Find a GLBT counselor that is interested in
helping you to explore who you are.  When you
call around, tell them your goal is to explore
"you" within the transgendered spectrum.  If
they give you a snap answer, go see someone
else.  If you don't get along well after 2 or so
visits, trust your intuition, and change
counselors.  (I'm with counselor # 5 or so....
some of the counselors lasted 1 visit, and some 4
visits....)

Once you have defined who you are, then you
can be secure in yourself, mature, and not
carried about by every wind of doctrine that pro-
gay or ex-gay counselors (or immature pastors
or well-meaning friends) will throw at you.

Still with me?

OK.  

Main point 2:

If I've defined who I am, then I can more easily
work with my relationship with Jesus Christ, with
my spouse, and with my family.

After all, Jesus was not a CD.  Jesus was not
TS.  Jesus had no gender identity problems that
we can see from the scripture.  And knowing
that we are <X>, and that we cannot live up to
Jesus standard, our spouse's standard, or our
family's standard ... seeing that gap between
Him and who we are... well, that can take a lot
of reconciliation.

Reconciliation is big in God's territory - He even
reconciled the world to Him through the death of
Jesus....   So reconciliation is good for us to
imitate... we even have the "ministry of
reconciliation".  All that said, it isn't quite an easy
game to play....  here are two rules of thumb:

    1  Count the cost.  You may lose every
    game of reconciliation and every friendship
    you value.  

    2  Consider the glory that is to come.  You'll
    find real friends that actually love you -- the
    real you -- and not some facade.

Oh, here's how my game of reconciliation went:

    - Reconciling being TS and Christian was
    fairly quick for me.  I received hate letters
    from church people, which threw me quite a
    bit.  I had no idea that even immature
    pastors selectively chose the scriptures....  
    But I knew that Christ gave me mercy, and
    taught me faithfulness to Him.  He gave
    'peace not as the world gives' and His
    Comforter did not depart from me at all.  
    Indeed, He drew closer.

    - Reconciling with my family came next.  It
    took about one year.  I gained one sister,
    and my mother, but lost 2 sisters.  This is
    simply the way it is.  If I had become a
    pacifist, the outcome would have been
    similar (my family is military).  If I had
    become a Buddhist, the outcome would
    have been similar (my family was American
    non-christian agnostic).  In my family,
    change is not welcomed at all.  Some of my
    family is Christian now... and can couch
    their hatred of change in church-jargon....
    but they are also wounded that they lost
    their only brother, and need to pour out
    anger in order to heal....

    - Reconciling with my spouse is on-going.  
    Really.  And I am 51 with SRS planned for
    August 2007.  I think we'll make it at some
    level...but it may not be what level we had
    hoped.  If we must reduce our expectations
    for our golden years of marriage, I'll do it
    peacefully.  If we break up, I'll do it
    peacefully.  "He has called us to peace".

OK, all this writing, but it was really just about 2
things:

    - find out with a counselor
    who you are;

    - then reconcile with Jesus,
    with your S.O, and with
    your family.

Let's jump to the future and pretend that you
defined yourself as <X>.  You've studied the life
of Jesus to see how He handled and spoke with
those that were <Z>, <Y>, and <R>.  You've
concluded that He as <AAA> accepts you and
loves you even as <X>.  

And you've probably done the following:

    -  Concluded that you really are a son of
    Adam prone to sins of birth (genetics), a
    person that has been influenced by others
    (human interaction), and made choices that
    were not always best (choice).  

    - Prayed for His wisdom and power to
    change what you can, and then come to
    recognize that some of "you" is just simply
    "you" and won't change.  

    - Determined to love God as a vessel that
    He treasures... and learn to accept His high
    esteem of you.  You've read "He uses the
    things that are least and the things that are
    not..." and realize that He will still use you.

You are not a reject by any means, but someone
that walks
knowingly in the mercy of God,
whereas so many others walk
unknowingly in
His mercy.

And so, in this future imagination,  let us say that
you want to reconcile with your earthly father.  
You want to help bear your father's burdens.  
You want to also be true to what Christ has
shown you.

Then, may I suggest that you read about the
young Jesus that was "of age".  His family
caravaned into Jerusalem, and gave the offering
for their son, and now, Jesus was a "man".  

Most folks think Jesus may have been 12 years
old... He may have been a bit older.  But similar
to our culture, a line is drawn whereby we are
considered an adult.  In the US, this 'line' is
normally age 18.  

At that point in Jesus life, Jesus deliberately
stayed in Jerusalem knowing the anguish it
would cause His earthly parents.  He was an
adult now.  He had to forever "honor" His
earthly parents (as the scripture teaches), but
He had to "honor"
and "obey" His heavenly
Father.

He was no longer subject to "children obey your
parents in the Lord".  He was no longer a child.  
He was an adult.

It is a tough read, really, that text in the Gospel
of Luke [chapter 2, verses 41 - 52].  It is easy to
see all the pain and anguish Jesus caused his
earthly parents in the text in Luke.  Yet, Jesus
never sinned by His actions.  Jesus lived a sinless
life.  Jesus always honored his parents.

But He obeyed His heavenly Father the moment,
the very day, He was no longer considered a
child by the law of Israel.

Please note that Jesus was 'obedient' to his
earthly parents because He returned to their
household.

What's all this mean to us?

Well, your letter said that you were 24 years
old.  You may need to live apart from your
parents during the exploration stage, if you do
not live apart already.  You may decide it is best
to live away from your parents, in order to
"honor" them, and in order to "obey" your
Heavenly Father.

But you have the example of Christ, and obeying
your Heavenly Father and knowing what type of
vessel He has made you, is not sin.  It is being
like Christ.  You may lose your father, but you
will gain a close walk with your Heavenly Father.

Much love in Christ always and unconditionally;

Caryn


*****



(c) Copyright Caryn LeMur 2007
The Collection of Short Works,
Letters, and Poems
Maybe CD? Maybe TS? or...?
What do you say to someone that
is 'curious' or 'exploring'?

Do we say, 'Repent now!'

Do we way, 'Oh, you're gay....'

Do I say, 'Gosh, we have a lot in
common, maybe you are...."

Maybe the 'curious one' is a
Cross-Dresser (CD) or a
transsexual (TS) or any other
variant or a thousand colors.

But let's not make the same
mistake that pastors often make,
and give counsel way outside our
areas of expertise.

If we are indeed made of "spirit,
soul, and body" [per
Thessalonians], then it follows we
might have need of the following:

- Pastors, priests, and elders for
issues of anomalies in the spiritual
realm -- lack of forgiveness,
anger, hatred, and so forth.

- Licensed counselors and
psychologists for issues of
anomalies in the soul -- gender
conflicts, deep introversion, post
traumatic disorder, and so forth.
In Deepest Sympathy -
Poetry for those that grieve
Building Faith, Hope, & Love -
Stories and Writings
A Cup Of Cold Water -
Letters For The Thirsty
A Pause In The Forest -
Poetry for thoughtful moments